I'm having labor pains. They are coming fast and furiously this morning. Yesterday was different. Yesterday they manifested in a dull ache that wouldn't go away. These are not your typical labor pains. These are pains of the heart. We adoptive mothers know them all too well. It happens suddenly. We look at a picture or video of our waiting child and the fun begins. We tear up. We impulsively grab the phone to call our agency to ask what the status is, but we don't because we know it's out of our hands. Not only that; it's out of our own countries control.
To make these pains subside we shop for some adorable clothing for our child or prepare her room. This doesn't help much. Sometimes it makes the pains stronger. So close yet so far.
Adoptive parents have never had their children inside their wombs. We carry them in our hearts and during this long period of a year or more our hearts simultaneously rejoice and break.
The first time I met my little girl the high was like nothing I've ever experienced. That euphoria was tempered by the knowledge that some of the most adorable and sweet children might never be visited by their forever moms.
Truth is, adoptive moms never get offered an epidural. We don't even get to go to the hospital. No one knows we are in labor. Now you all do.
